The phone call in 2008 may have been the worst moment in Nicholas Gagnier’s life. At the time things were improving for the local poet, whose life was returning to relative normalcy after years of substance abuse, homelessness and depression.
Then came the horrific news that his friend Michelle Vachon had committed suicide.
“I will never forget that phone call,” writes Gagnier in the new poetry anthology Ground Zero. “It will ring in my ears until the day I die.”
Dealing with intense grief, and trying to understand a death that “perpetually haunts me”, the talented writer decided to help people suffering from mental illness, and in particular those at risk of committing suicide.
From this desire to help was born Good Morning Bedtime Story, a suicide prevention online site that he co-founded with Katie Jackson. The objective of the project is to provide a forum for people suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies in which they can express their feelings through art, music or writing.
The site gained the approval of Kanata Coun. Allan Hubley, whose 15-year-old son Jamie killed himself in 2011.
The Good Morning project soon led to the creation of Ground Zero, a poetry collection focused on mental illness. Containing more than 50 poems, the anthology describes, among other things, feelings of isolation, specific conditions such as Agoraphobia, suicide, abuse and – perhaps most important of all – hope.
The poem Olivia Ann O’Reilly by Gagnier is particularly moving, in which a narrator recounts how an old school classmate has killed herself. Another touching piece by Gagnier is That Song You Hate Just Saved My Life, which celebrates the things in life, no matter how small, that allow people to overcome their darkest moments.
While most of the poems in the anthology are written by Gagnier, who also runs a blog called Retcon Poet, there are works from nine other contributors, as well as two poems by his late friend Michelle.
When asked who the book is aimed for, Gagnier replies that he sees two distinct groups of readers. “My number one audience are people who are vulnerable, who didn’t have another place to turn ,” he tells me in a phone interview. “The other group … would be family who don’t know what is going on.”
Gagnier hopes to donate the proceeds from the book (which can only be purchased online for now) to a charity. If this is not possible, then the plan is to use any money raised to fund the next project with Good Morning Bedtime Story co-founder Katie Jackson.
In the meantime, Gagnier wants to continue spreading the message that putting pen to paper can be an important tool in helping people tackle their own demons.
“There are a lot of people who find it hard to admit that they have a problem,” he says. By creating a safe space, however, whether through a poetry anthology or online site, then a door may open for someone who may otherwise feel locked in.
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