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Photo courtesy of wilding.andrew on Flickr.

Sex Survey Results! A deep, hard hitting analysis

By Katie Marsh on February 22, 2014

The results are in for our completely non-scientific annual sex and dating survey. We asked Ottawa to throw back the sheets to show us what you got and now we can’t unsee it. We now have no choice but to share the love (or lust) with the rest of you.

Quality and Quantity

Around 21% of Ottawans are getting a perfect amount of sex; the average didn’t vary by sexual orientation. The guys are doing worse in that department than the gals: only 13% of men indicated they were getting their ideal amount of Vitamin F compared to 26% of women. At the other extreme, a little over one in five Ottawans are getting nowhere near enough, a figure that didn’t vary much with either gender or sexual orientation.

Quality wise Ottawans are doing fine. Half of the survey respondents reported sex that was either ‘best ever’ or ‘pretty hot with room for improvement’. Unfortunately, some people’s chickens were a little funkier than others. While only 17% of straight respondents said that their sex lives needed a little or a lot of spice, 26% of LBGT respondents were looking rifling through their metaphorical spice cabinet.

Partners and Practices

This year’s survey finds most Ottawans in a comfortable, monogamous heterosexual relationship.

Over the past year, half of you have been with one sexual partner and another third between 2 and 5 partners. Yet many of you would agree that the best love is self love. Respondents have a healthly masturbation schedule with just over half of respondents masturbating more than once a week, with one in ten of you putting on a one-man/woman show on a daily basis.

Historically speaking, 63% of respondents have said their best sex has been with their monogamous partner and 20% of you have said your best time in the sack was spent with a fuck buddy/friend-with-benefits. Most of you (70%) have enjoyed (or suffered through) a one night stand at least once in your life. But almost three quarters of respondents have never explored the ménage à trois (or more).

While 30% have no sexual fetishes or fantasies (How is this possible?), the top 3 fetishes or fantasies were bondage, domination and exhibitionism. On the sexual play front, most of you have experimented with lube and over 50% of respondents have enjoyed sexual play with blindfolds, handcuffs or a dildo.

Ottawan are not too picky about age. While 36% would like to only date someone around your age, 28% of you are willing to go up to 5 years younger, 15%of you up to 10 years younger and 10% of you either respecting the “half your age plus seven” rule. When asked how much older a person you’d date the answers were a bit more surprising. Only 14% go for someone around your age with 34% willing to date someone up to 5 years older and 38% of you willing to date someone up to 10 years older.

Places

To my disappointment, a majority of you (56%) say Ottawa hasn’t gotten sexier in the last year. However, its sexiest neighbourhood is clearly Centretown, followed by Hintonburg and the Glebe and the Market tied for third.

Where’s a good place to go pick up? Many of you said bars or Elgin St., the Market or house parties. More specifically, Babylon and Zaphods were mentioned. OK Cupid was there a few times…and finally, “wish I knew” came up more than once. Time for a Apt613 investigative report?

If you want some alone time with your partner many folk say Gatineau Park is the place to go, but lots of love was given to other green spaces: Major Hill, Nepean Point, Arboretum and, along the Canal or the river. Parliament at night, movie theatres and bathroom club bathrooms were also cited as good makeout spots.

Seventeen per cent of respondents said they had sex in public over the past year. Common places being a parking lot or car, Gatineau Park and again Parliament Hill (is that your budget bill or are you just happy to see me?)

Single in the City

So apparently Ottawa isn’t the easiest place for single folks. The vast majority said that Ottawa was not a good place to be single, especially if you are a woman, queer or looking for more than just a casual encounter. Many of you cited either a lack of eligible men or not enough queer hangouts, a particular problem for lesbians. On the plus side, Ottawa is a great place to get drunk and hook up for a night, and if you are a straight vegan male apperently you won’t have a hard time finding dates.

When you do go out on a first date, a great majority of you like to go for a casual drink. By an overwhelming majority (77%), the best thing you can do to impress your date is to express interest in them. Keep the conversation to common interests or travel, but even in Ottawa it is best to avoid politics at least the first time around.

Those are the dos; as for the don’ts, the top three mistakes on a first date are talking about yourself too much, trying too hard or talking about the ex. Apparently Ottawans don’t mind too much if you dress poorly or are a little cheap, so long as you keep the conversation interesting.

The top deal breakers were a lack of a sense of humour, a lack of intelligence or bad body odour (crack out that axe body spray). Interestingly, bad sex was a deal breaker for only 4% of respondents.