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Neighbourhood Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Boonies

By Katie Marsh on April 6, 2012

Why Neighbourhood Wars? Why do we seek to spread trash talking and yo mama jokes instead of love and cooperation?

Because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Also, those of us who don’t follow sports need something to do in playoff season.

Last year, the first Neighbourhood Wars was tied to March Madness basketball. This year, with several Ottawa hockey teams in the playoffs, it seemed only natural to pay homage to the Stanley Cup. Today until Friday April 13, you’ll get the chance to pick your favourite hood from one of four conferences: East, West, Centre and Boonies. If you don’t see your favourite hood listed in the options, feel free to write it in! The top two teams from each conference will then advance to the Neighbourhood Wars final, where the gloves come off and the puns start flowing.

The concept is pretty simple. The eight teams in the finals will each get a champion, who will defend the honor of that particular hood from all comers. Each post in the series will feature two neighbourhoods going up against each other with any and all verbal weapons in their arsenal: ad hominem attacks, non-sequiturs, exaggeration, false analogy, etc.  Apartment613 readers will get to choose which champion made their case most convincingly, and the most popular hood will advance to the next round.

The losers get eternal shame for one year. The winner gets glory, bragging rights and a year’s worth of smug superiority. Just ask Hintonburg, the winner of last year’s Hood Wars, how it worked out for them:

“Since winning Neighbourhood Wars last year, I’ve seen a slew of fun new businesses and people move to the area, a fact I attribute to my Apartment613’s Hood Wars victory and absolutely no other factor.”

To participate, either fill out the survey below (or if it’s not showing in your browser, click here).

The stakes are high, most of the judges even higher. Let the 2012 Hood Wars begin!

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