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Arboretum Interviews: Branching into… New Swears

By Alessandro Marcon on August 23, 2014

Editor’s note: All this week Sandro’s been interviewing some of the act appearing at the Arboretum music festival, which ends today. Today he interviews the New Swears, local torch bearers for the fun boy noise sound.

Hi New Swears. Who are the members that make up New Swears? How did you guys meet, and how did the band form?

Nick Nofun


Beej eh

Sammy J Scorpion

We, Puppets of the illuminati, formed in a Starbuck$ wash closet……

That’s how we formed.

Next question.

Sandro: Which member of the band:

a) skates the best?

Matt Brobud (currently M.I.A.)

b) shotguns the most brews?

Nick, Beej, Sammy, Scru…..

Next question.

c) spends the most time in nothing but their underwear?

Nicky Nofun wear big diapy doo-doo-pee-pa-bum-bum 24/7

*we pay him BIG cash to wear clothes

d) comes up with the tunes?

Couple years back, we came across an old chest in the bottom of the Rideau canal. Nick and Beej had been on a scuba expedition working closely with the ‘Jacques Cousteau Adventure Club extraordinary Summer Camp’ (2001) via the two government funded “Activities for the under privileged youth” camp councilors, ‘Sammy (Big-Fat) J, and #Scrubar’ they uncovered several unreleased 100% original rock’n’roll “Hits”. Rumor has it that “Hits” is the one unreleased Alanis Morissette album that went mysteriously missing in the year A.D two thousand.

e) writes the lyrics?


f) hurts themselves on a frequent basis? (physically and/or emotionally)

If I wanted a therapist I’d ask my mee-mah!

Tell us about a typical weekend in the Fun Boy Clubhouse?

For legal reasons unfortunately we cannot truthfully answers this question. Ears everywhere. Heat score guy. Watch your 6.

What’s better for all-round rippin’, summer or winter? Why?

Nothing corners like a rental.

As far as I understand, you also host shows sometimes in the Clubhouse. What’s one of the most memorable parties you’ve thrown? What made it so memorable?

Ah, the most memorable party…. So many.

First one comes to mind was Thanks-Giving dinner. We had all the boys over, it was a full feast with all the trimmings. Scrubar drank too much wine, stood up and f*&#$% the turkey with his raw bear penis. Needless to say the night was ruined.

* Actually happened, very embarrassing

How are the Sens looking for the upcoming season? Are you guys feeling optimistic?

Thank god Emery is back we needed a coke-head. The season is shaping up to be a real snow-storm. #bringyashinback #miss100%ofshotsnotake

So, you’re going to be releasing a new album on Saturday. Tell us about the new record. Where did you record it? How does it differ from the others you’ve put out?

Yes, the album was recorded at meatlocker studios, by the grandmaster wizard Yogi Perogi. It’s not the same as the other one.

Who is Yogi Perogi, and how does he play into the New Swears sound?

He owns cool-guy/girl-bar-pin-ball-paradise HOUSE OF TARG. Real hard working guy, he made dumb-idiots sound good.

How stoked are you to be doing a tour of Europe? Will this be your first tour over there? What are you looking forward to the most? Are there any particular countries or cities that you’re really excited to play in?

Yay ya real excited Sorry GTG to hULL its 10:43..NO TIME so sorry bye bye

Can you make up a new swear word for us?


Can you use it a sentence?

When our friend Kenneth Luke Rowsell gets too drunk he becomes “J@#$%-v@#?.”

J@#$%-v@#? hammered.

Howl, lads. Keep on Howling.