Skip To Content

Dirty Laundry: The default setting; foxes silver, brown or bald; and the best part about ORW

By Katie Marsh on May 27, 2011

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano.

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs once each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at

Dear Dirty Laundress,

A couple months ago, I started hanging out with someone. For the most part it’s been cool, but last week we ended up having a huge argument when she found out that I’ve been dating some other people since I’ve met her. She’s super angry and says I’ve been dishonest and she can’t trust me. I could understand if we’d been going out for a long time and were really serious, but we just started dating. We never talked about being exclusive. What do you think? Am I a liar? Or is she overreacting?

Non Monogamous

Are you a liar? No. Is she overreacting? No.

There’s one piece of advice that in my opinion applies to every relationship, be it a 40-year marriage or a one-night stand. Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE! It seems clear that what you saw as “hanging out” with one someone among many, she saw as an exclusive arrangement. Did she make an assumption regarding monogamy? Yep. And she bears at least some of the responsibility for this situation by failing to share those expectations with you. But you are equally responsible for neglecting to tell her that you were seeing other people and giving her a chance to decide if she was okay with that or not.

Non-monogamy is not the default setting, until stated otherwise. Neither is monogamy. Hopefully the two of you are able to work things out. Regardless, from here on in, I encourage you to talk to your partners about what you need, want and expect sooner, rather than later.

Do you have a label for a 75-year-old who still has amazing sexual experiences with girls in their 20’s? OR Do you have a label for girls in their 20’s who have amazing sexual experiences with a 75-year-old man?

Still Got It

There are the well known designations of “gold digger” or “cradle robber”. Personally, I’m not a fan of either. They suggest that young women are either infants and/or opportunistic. There’s also an implication that people of disparate ages can’t have a sexual relationship based on mutual attraction, desire or admiration. What a load of horse poop!

I’ve heard the less pejorative “silver fox”, which references older men with glorious manes of grey hair. But that excludes the scores of sexy seniors who are brunette, redhead or full-on bald.

In our society, there’s an expectation that people will choose partners around the same age. For whatever reason we tend to want to label people and conventions that fall outside so-called “normal” parameters. Unfortunately the labels we choose are rarely inclusive, exhaustive or especially flattering. A 75-year-old and a partner in their 20s are both adults. And when two consenting adults have great sex, regardless of their age there’s only one label I’d apply to the scenario:



It Keeps You Running!

Did you know that regular physical activity can improve the taste of sperm, increase blood flow to the genitals and boost your sexual satisfaction? This weekend thousands of sexy, active people will be gearing up for Ottawa Race Weekend!

ORW is one the largest running events in Canada. People from around the globe take to our streets and if you like the sight of sweaty bodies in motion, then come down and cheer on the runners. Someone special may just catch your eye across the crowded street and who knows what might transpire past the finish line….

  • Tagged in