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Dirty Laundry: New trends in porn and what to do over the long haul

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Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs the last Friday of each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.
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Dear Dirty Laundress

When partners have been together for a while…let’s say 3, 4, 5 years – how do you keep things interesting in bed and in your daily lives without it becoming a boring routine? Any advice?

Slightly Scared Of Future Trends

Having been in a monogamous relationship with my current partner for almost fifteen years, I’ve formed a few opinions about keeping the spark alive long-term. I’m going to assume, SSOFT that you’re familiar with standard magazine wisdom about weekends away, naughty toys and athletic, new sex positions, all of which are great ideas. A couple of carnal days at a bed and breakfast just may provide the kindling you need to keep the flames of passion burning.

But trips and contortionist tricks aren’t always practical or even desirable for every couple’s in their day-to-day lives. We get busy. We get stressed out. We get tired. Often, we experience all three at once. That early relationship energy, which has us making mad monkey love at every opportunity, it wanes over time. That’s normal. But I think it’s important to remember that while our libidos change over the course of a relationship, attraction and desire remain.

Personally, I think one of the nicest things you can do, is to communicate desire to your partner in those times when the rest of life eclipses your opportunities to have sex. Saying something like, “Things are a little too crazy for us to get on each other right now. I get that. But I want you to know, I find you really sexy.” You don’t even have to say it with words. You can communicate the same thing with a playful slap on the ass, an extra long kiss goodbye in the morning , a lingering look during dinner. These gestures take mere seconds, but still maintain a sexual, romantic through line no matter what’s happening in your relationship.

And while making time to be sexy is très important, I think making time to be silly has its place in long-term wooing too. When my partner and I take our son to the playground, we often challenge each other to these childish feats, like who can make it down all the slides the fastest. It’s utterly juvenile, but it creates an atmosphere of fun and intimacy, which facilitates being fun and intimate in other, more adult ways when we’re alone.

A three-year-old relationship isn’t a three-week-old relationship. It’s not going to look or feel the same way. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be wild with each to be wild for each other. Communicate your desire for each other. Have as much fun as you can together. These are my simple not-for-Cosmo tips on keeping it hot long-term.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

We’ve been watching porn recently and have noticed the bizarre trend of men and women loudly spitting on each other’s genitals during oral sex scenes. We don’t recall ever having seen it in the past. Is this some sort of strange fad in the porn industry or are we inadvertently watching niche porn? Both of us find it a real turn-off.

Thanks,

Stop spitting on my Penis

Spit shining a partner’s private parts is a practice as old as sex itself. Lovers of yore also appreciated slippery, friction-free encounters and saliva was a convenient lubricant back in the day.

Spitting has also been part of porn for quite awhile, though it wasn’t nearly as prevalent back in the day. Traditionally, genital spitting featured a woman spitting onto a man’s penis during fellatio. Ironically, saliva has a drying effect on skin once it evaporates. Spitting probably started as a way to re-moisturize an actor who’s penis had become dry during the extended oral play required during filming.

More recently, we began to except the idea that women also appreciate some extra lube now and again. Hence, spitting in porn became reciprocal and more common. Now days, it isn’t unusual to see porn actors hock a wet one on to their scene partners. ‘Salivation porn’ or ‘Saliva porn’, has evolved into it’s own subgenre. Naked people and drool everywhere!

The growing prevalence of spitting, reminds me of the Rise of the Cock Slap. Apparently, cock slapping began as practical way for male porn actors to stay hard as they entered his partner. Audiences saw it every once in awhile and began to associate the maneuver with “porn-style” sex. More and more films began to feature the cock slap, until finally a porn ass couldn’t make it out of bed without getting the phallic smackdown! And now spit has also made it’s way into the triple-x mainstream.

I understand your problem, SSOMP. If spitting is a turn off, it negates the purpose of watching porn in the first place. You may have to be more selective in the titles you choose. The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos by Violet Blue is an excellent resource, with a list of movies by subgenre and a handy user’s legend that alerts viewers to content such as spitting, facials and more. Come As You Are, a sex-positive toy store in Toronto provides film summaries and ratings on their website (www.comeasyouare.com). You can also search the Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com) for information and reviews on over 100,000 titles.

Happy viewing!

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