Over 700 people participated in this year’s survey, which was named Sex in the Capital City. Designed by professional sexual health educator and Apartment613 sex columnist Nadine Thornhill, the survey aims to get the low-down on where, when and with whom.

One lucky respondent will receive a Lelo Sex Toy courtesy of the survey’s sponsor, Venus Envy. We’ll notify the winner later today by email.

Without further ado, here are the results!

Have you ever kissed, fondled, sexed or been otherwise frisky with someone at any of these popular Ottawa attractions?

Despite its rather combative reputation, Parliament Hill was voted the top local landmark for PDAs with 62% of respondents, although we’ll probably never get to see Stephen Harper and Bob Rae making goo-goo eyes at each other. Second and third place went to cultural landmarks – the National Arts Centre (45%), and the National Gallery of Canada (33%) respectively — proving once again the value of art as an aphrodisiac. Last on the list of sexy hotspots: 24 Sussex, where only 2% of respondents got busy.

What’s the sexiest Ottawa neighbourhood?

In what amounts to be a shocking reversal of the results of last year’s neighbourhood wars, the Hintonburg/West Wellington combo was regulated to a distant third place, getting only 17% of the vote. It is no surprise that second place went to Byward Market/Lowertown, Ottawa’s pretty poster child of a neighbourhood, with 27%. Despite its army of suit-clad professionals, Centretown took top spot for sexiest ‘hood, receiving the support of 30% of respondents…. (It must be all those suggestively-shaped skyscrapers.) The “bedroom” communities of Kanata and Nepean need to up their game; they tied for last place with 0.4% each.

What is the most romantic spot in the National Capital Region (NCR)?

The bike path behind Parliament Hill took first place, no doubt due to the stunning combination of water, sky and architecture. Gatineau Park was another favourite, as well Champlain Point behind the National Gallery of Art. Given this was a write-in question, we received many other suggestions. We get the case for “Inside my pants” and “My House,” but “Frank and Bank” and “The grass beneath their security camera” may need a little more explanation. Some other spots you may want to try with your sweetie:

• “Pub Italia’s Abbey. It’s like church with beer.”
• “The picnic table in the middle of Rideau river near Strathcona Park”
• “King Mountain in Gatineau Park overlooking the Ottawa Valley”
• “The cobblestone courtyards in the Byward market.”
• “The park between the river and Sussex, right down by the banks, especially in the fall–gorgeous.”
  

Which local music festival would make for the most romantic date?

Bluesfest dominated with 42% of responses, proving once and for all that The Flaming Lips are still sex symbols. You’ll also do alright taking your sweetheart to Jazzfest (28%) or Folkfest (18%), but avoid the Ottawa Ska Festival, which only took 0.6% of the vote.

Which Is Ottawa’s Sexiest Party?

Who knew the effect the lyrics of Oh Canada has on some people? Canada Day was voted Ottawa’s sexiest party with 23% of the vote. Rather predictably for a party that often includes some nudity, Capital Pride was second with 18%. Newcomer to the annual party scene, Harvest Noir, also fared well, receiving third place with 10%.

Where is Ottawa’s best pick up spot?

Too many of you replied along these lines…

“I wish I knew so I could go there!”

…making posting this question somewhat of a public service. Thanks to Apartment613 readers, now you know where to go! The top pick up spot goes to the Byward Market or any bar therein, particularly Zaphod’s. Elgin Street was a close second, with many respondents giving a special shout out to the Manx.

File the following in the “only in Ottawa category”:

• “Any bridgehead. Over-sexed coffee junkies everywhere!”
•  ”Briefing Sessions”
• “The civil service”
• “Parties on Parliament Hill”
• “Any political convention”
• “Vanier Wrestling”

Those of you wanting to get off the beaten path can try “Petite Mort Gallery’s Friday night shows” or “Canadian Tire”.

Best place for a first date

Apartment613 readers, we must say we’re a bit disappointed. “Skating on the Canal” came up way too often as your choice for best first date. Sure, its an easy, low-stakes idea, but we can, nay — we must – do better. The next generation of Ottawans depend on it!

The Museum of Nature was a surprisingly popular choice, or maybe not so surprising given Ottawa’s intellectual bent. There were also a number of very useful suggestions:

• “The Manx, Oz Kafe then a night of sweaty dancing at Timekode.”
• “Anywhere but the Manx. A mistake made by many, but it’s way too loud there and you’re scrunched so close to everyone else. God knows who you’re going to run into (each other’s ex). Save this for a future date, not the first one.”
• “Summer- Flour Shop and wander the Glebe. Winter-Beavertails or hot beverages and Winterlude Ice displays”
• “My personal favourites are an Ottawa 67s game or rock-climbing at Coyote Rock Gym. Otherwise, depending on the person’s temperament and whether you’re still getting to know each other, I would suggest a Basement Artists show (entertainment); TimeKode (dancing); Zen Kitchen, Absinthe or a Duelling Chefs event (food); La Petit Mort Gallery (sexy art); the Manx, Black Thorn or Aloha Room (drinks).”

As a Valentine’s Day Bonus, here are three outings that have been officially tested and approved by our crack team of investigative daters:
• Dinner at the Horn of Africa followed by a flick at the Bytown Theatre
• Bowling at West Park Bowling Centre, followed by drinks at Absinthe
• If you are really trying to get into their pants… hiking in Gatineau Park, followed by a dip at the Nordic Spa

Best makeout spots

The clear winner? Anywhere near water. Variations on the Canal or the Ottawa River easily took first place, with Dow’s Lake and Mooney’s Bay also making strong appearances.

“So many outdoor make out spots. There are some great hidden places by the canal including the willow trees at dow’s lake and under the Pretoria bridge (just watch out for bikes!)”

“My house” was also very popular… if we only knew where that was! More details next time, people. Also, don’t be coy like this respondent:

“If I tell you will you meet me there?”

The answer is… Yes. Give us a hint and the entire Apartment613 editorial team will be there with bells on… and nothing else (if you’re lucky).

Other great suggestion for make out spot locations are:

• “Under the giant spider (kinda creepy, but maybe that’s the appeal…)”
• “Mayfair theatre on the couches”
• “ Chinatown outdoor movie park (The summer Centretown Movie series at Dundonald Park)”
• “near the airport, where the planes can fly over you.”
• “my “it works everytime” location – the hill/statue behind the national art gallery”

Where is the best place in Ottawa to get safer sex gear (condoms, dams, gloves, lube etc.), sexy lingerie, buy/rent adult films or buy sex toys?

Venus Envy, our partner in this survey, swept three of four sexy shopping categories, taking 63% of the vote for best safer sex gear, 69% for adult films and 75% for sex toys. Sadly, large chains like La Senza and La Vie en Rose beat out local businesses like Bra Chic and Lilac Lingerie for best place to buy barely there underwear.

Who are Ottawa’s sexiest power players?

This truly is the age of the geek… Tantalizing Tech Geeks took top spot for sexiest power player with 40% of the vote. Stunning Staffers and Provocative Public Servants almost tied with 27% and 28%, respectively.

Despite running dead last as sexiest Ottawa profession (receiving only 13% of the vote), a few of Ottawa’s passionate politicians did manage to yank your chain. Mathieu Fleury (City Council, 37%), Yasir Naqvi (MPP 55%) and Paul Dewar (MP 51%) took the prizes as the most crush-worthy local politicians.

On the Celebrity front, Sandra Oh was voted sexiest hometown celeb with 34% of the vote.

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano.

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Dirty Laundry runs once each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her atdirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

Can you please provide me some details about how to break the virginity of girl at first? What is the distance of hymen/virginity from the opening of hymen, please tell me in inches, is it 2 inch or….?

How I should deal with a girl since she doesn’t spread her legs while having sex. She has been always scaring from its pain??

Can you also tell me, how much size of a man’s penis is enough/required to be entered inside, so that virginity of a girl can be broken or torn? 

I will be really appreciative and thankful if you could help in this matter.

Human genetalia and what we do with it is complex and individual and the hymen is no exception. The hymen is a thin membrane found at the opening of the vagina. If it hasn’t been ruptured or dissolved, you can see it. According to sexual lore, hymens remain intact until the person “loses their virginity” through penetrative vaginal sex. Sometimes this does occur; however, hymens are like snowflakes. No two are quite the same.

You’ve used the term “virginity” and “hymen” interchangeably, so I’d like to address that first. Virginity is the state of never having had sex. It is impossible to determine a person’s virginity based on the presence or absence of a hymen. Hymens can rupture or dissolve at any point in a person’s life from exercise or other vigorous activity. Conversely, some hymens remain intact through penetrative sex. And some people are born with partial hymens or without a hymen at all. Some people experience bleeding or pain or both when their hymen is broken. Some people feel nothing. Some people don’t even know it’s happened.  All of this to say that the hymen doesn’t really have anything to do with virginity, so don’t get too hung up on it.

Meanwhile, I’d say the bigger concern is your partner and her fears around sex and pain. Assure your partner that there is absolutely no pressure for her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. If she’s not comfortable parting her legs during sex, let her know that you will respect that. A guide on sexual positions may help you if you’re not sure how to enjoy penetrative sex with closed legs. Make sure she knows that she can slow down, take a break or stop altogether if she feels any discomfort.

Pain during sex can happen for a number of reasons, but one of the more common causes is insufficient arousal. Take the time to make sure your partner is really turned on. Touch her anywhere and everywhere that feels good. If the two of you are comfortable talking about it, ask her to tell you what feels good for her and what turns you on. You can even ask her to masturbate and show you how she likes to be touched.

Lubrication can also help make penetration much more comfortable. You can buy a small bottle of water-based lube from an adult store or pharmacy.

Finally, concentrate your efforts on making sex enjoyable for you and your partner. Virginity and the loss of virginity are significant aspects of some people’s sexual experience, which is fine. But sometimes we can be so focused on a single sexual goal that we forget about the pleasure and intimacy sex can bring. Remember, sex is not a test.

Dear Dirty Laundress;

I’ve moved into an apartment that I absolutely love. It’s perfect. The only thing that bothers me is that I can hear my upstairs neighbours “doing the deed”. While I know that it’s common to overhear a couple every now and again, this particular couple has loud sex several nights a week. They are loud enough to wake me up out of a sound sleep. I know intimate details of their love life. Things that neighbours should never know. How do I tactfully let this couple know that they are being a little too loud? Do I even bring it up?

Regards,

Sleepless and Shy

I’m all for passionate noisemaking when the spirits (or your vibrator) move you, but you have a right to a good night’s sleep without the specifics of your neighbour’s dalliances dancing in your head.

I’m not sure how well you know your neighbours, but if you’re comfortable having a conversation with them, I think you’re perfectly within your rights to politely ask them to keep it down. Don’t delve into specifics, don’t accuse and keep it light. Something like, “I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but the lack of insulation between our units makes it difficult, if you know what I mean.”  If face to face feels too personal, you could also leave a note to the same effect. You could also ask your landlord to bring the noise issue to your neighbours’ attention.

If you’re not comfortable confronting the cacophony, you can take matters into your own hands. There are special soundproofing panels and even paints that can be applied to walls or ceilings. White noise machines, music or even a simple set of earplugs may help drown out the moaning and groaning from above.

Some will say that the best solution is to fight fire with fire with some lascivious caterwauling of your own; however in my experience, competitive sex noises are never tactful and rarely effective.

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. After a well-deserved summer break, her sex column, Dirty Laundry, is back and will run once each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

What constitutes a multiple orgasm? I have to confess I’m a little obsessed with the idea of making my wife cum over and over again. We’ve tried different things – toys, g-spot stimulation and she says she has them sometimes, but I can’t seem to tell when it happens.  I’d love to make them happen for her consistently.  Any advice?

Over Achiever

The thing about orgasms, OA, is that they aren’t like dogs. They don’t always come on command.  Some people have bodies that are capable of multiple orgasms, while others don’t.  Some people experience them consistently.  For others they show up unexpectedly, like a second cousin at a wedding, but more fun and less socially awkward.

As for what constitutes a multiple orgasm? Well, that varies too. A multiple orgasm might be a series of rapid climaxes in succession.  It might be one orgasm and a brief refractory period and then another orgasm.  Or it could mean two or more orgasms experienced an hour apart, but within the same session of sex.  People define multiple orgasm in different ways, but in my opinion the definition isn’t nearly as important as people’s experiences.

I think it’s great that you’re so dedicated to your wife’s sexual pleasure, but when it comes to orgasms it really is quality, rather than quantity that counts.  My advice to you is to focus your attention on what makes your wife feel good. Her body, like every body, has it’s own way of experiencing and responding to stimulation and the best experiences will come when you both respect what her body does naturally.  She may or may not be a person who has consistent multiple orgasms. And those multiple orgasms may or may not look like what you expect.  And orgasms are reliably elusive when sex is goal oriented.  So my final piece of advice is that as long as your wife is game,  keep experimenting with those toys and techniques but do so in the spirit of fun and let whatever happens happen.

E.T.A.  Many thanks to the reader who pointed out that my original answer was based on out-of-date legislation. I sincerely apologize for my mistake. Please find my revised answer below.

Since you wrote to me, LE, I’m going to assume you’re asking about the age at which a person can legally consent to sex.  The answer is not unlike one of those word problems from eighth grade math.  So sharpen your pencils…this will be on the test.

Before we begin it is worth noting that under the law, “all non-consensual sexual activity, regardless of age, is a sexual assault.”  (Department of Justice, 2005).  Now on to today’s lesson…

The consent law reads as follows:

“The age of consent laws apply to all forms of sexual activity ranging from sexual touching such as kissing to sexual intercourse (Department of Justice, 2005).  The age of consent is 18 years where the sexual activity involves exploitative activity, such as prostitution, pornography or where there is a relationship of trust, authority or dependency. For other sexual activity, the age of consent is 14 years (Department of Justice, 2005). However, consensual activity with those under 14 but over 12 may not be an offence if the accused is under 16 and less than two years older than the complainant (Pilon, 1999).”   However, in 2008 the Tackling Violent Crimes Act raised the age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age.  A “close in age” exception allows youth aged 14 and 15 to consent to non-exploitative sexuality activity with a person no more than five years older; and for youth aged 12 and 13 to consent to non-exploitative activity with a person no more than two years older. 

Which means:

-  If Alex is 18 and Sam is 21, Alex can legally consent to having sex with Sam.

-  If Alex is 16 and Sam is 21, Alex can legally consent to having sex with Sam.

-  If Alex is 16 and Sam is Alex’s 21-year-old boss at the Herb and Spice, Alex CANNOT legally consent to having sex with Sam.

-  If Alex is 15 and Sam is 21, Alex CANNOT legally consent to having sex with Sam.

-  If Alex is 14 and Sam is 16 and a half, Alex CAN legally consent to having sex with Sam.

-  If Alex is 13 and Sam is 15 and a half, Alex CANNOT legally consent to having sex with Sam.

-  If Alex is 11, Alex CANNOT legally consent to having sex with Sam, regardless of Sam’s age.

Got it? Well here’s a bit of a curve ball.  The laws regarding sexual consent also say that  unmarried persons under 18 cannot legally consent to anal intercourse.  Which means:

-  If Alex is 18 and Sam is 21, Alex can legally consent to having anal intercourse with Sam

-  If Alex is 17 and Sam is 18, Alex CANNOT legally consent to having anal intercourse with Sam (or anyone else).

-  If Alex is 17 and Sam is 17, neither Alex NOR Sam can legally consent to having anal intercourse…unless they get married before graduating high school.

Finally, it is worth noting that both the Ontario and Quebec court of appeals have struck down the anal intercourse exception to the Criminal Code. There goes Alex and Sam’s excuse for a prom-night wedding!

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano.

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs once each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

A couple months ago, I started hanging out with someone. For the most part it’s been cool, but last week we ended up having a huge argument when she found out that I’ve been dating some other people since I’ve met her. She’s super angry and says I’ve been dishonest and she can’t trust me. I could understand if we’d been going out for a long time and were really serious, but we just started dating. We never talked about being exclusive. What do you think? Am I a liar? Or is she overreacting?

Non Monogamous

Are you a liar? No. Is she overreacting? No.

There’s one piece of advice that in my opinion applies to every relationship, be it a 40-year marriage or a one-night stand. Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE! It seems clear that what you saw as “hanging out” with one someone among many, she saw as an exclusive arrangement. Did she make an assumption regarding monogamy? Yep. And she bears at least some of the responsibility for this situation by failing to share those expectations with you. But you are equally responsible for neglecting to tell her that you were seeing other people and giving her a chance to decide if she was okay with that or not.

Non-monogamy is not the default setting, until stated otherwise. Neither is monogamy. Hopefully the two of you are able to work things out. Regardless, from here on in, I encourage you to talk to your partners about what you need, want and expect sooner, rather than later.

Do you have a label for a 75-year-old who still has amazing sexual experiences with girls in their 20′s? OR Do you have a label for girls in their 20′s who have amazing sexual experiences with a 75-year-old man?

Still Got It

There are the well known designations of “gold digger” or “cradle robber”. Personally, I’m not a fan of either. They suggest that young women are either infants and/or opportunistic. There’s also an implication that people of disparate ages can’t have a sexual relationship based on mutual attraction, desire or admiration. What a load of horse poop!

I’ve heard the less pejorative “silver fox”, which references older men with glorious manes of grey hair. But that excludes the scores of sexy seniors who are brunette, redhead or full-on bald.

In our society, there’s an expectation that people will choose partners around the same age. For whatever reason we tend to want to label people and conventions that fall outside so-called “normal” parameters. Unfortunately the labels we choose are rarely inclusive, exhaustive or especially flattering. A 75-year-old and a partner in their 20s are both adults. And when two consenting adults have great sex, regardless of their age there’s only one label I’d apply to the scenario:

AWESOME!

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It Keeps You Running!

Did you know that regular physical activity can improve the taste of sperm, increase blood flow to the genitals and boost your sexual satisfaction? This weekend thousands of sexy, active people will be gearing up for Ottawa Race Weekend!

ORW is one the largest running events in Canada. People from around the globe take to our streets and if you like the sight of sweaty bodies in motion, then come down and cheer on the runners. Someone special may just catch your eye across the crowded street and who knows what might transpire past the finish line….

Photo courtesy of Jessica Ruano.

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her new sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs once each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

For the full smorgasbord of Nadine’s musings, check out her blog Adorkable Thespian.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

I’ll get straight to the point. I’m almost 27 years old and I’ve never had sex.  Believe me, it’s not because I don’t want to.  When I was in high school I had some health problems and other issues that affected my body.  I was pretty self-conscious and I never had a boyfriend.  I did date a couple of people in university but we never went “all the way” so to speak.  Now it’s just embarassing.  I try to date…but if I’m with a guy and things move beyond kissing I worry that I won’t know what to do. I’m scared that if a guy finds out I’m still a virgin, he’ll think I’m weird and he won’t want to have sex with me. It’s all so frustrating. Sometimes I think I should do it with whoever and get it over with.  Other times I think I should just give up.  Maybe sex isn’t meant for everyone.  Help, please!

Twenty-six-and-a-half-year-old virgin.

I understand why you’re frustrated. Once people reach a certain age, we tend to assume that they are sexually active or at least have had sex at some point. But there are many adults who, by choice or by circumstance, are still virgins.

I’m not going to tell you that your situation is an easy one, especially since it seems that you would like to engage with someone sexually. But I am going to tell you — and I hope you take this to heart — there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a twenty-six-and-a-half-year-old-virgin. Partnered sex is just an experience you haven’t had yet.

If sex is something you want for yourself, there’s no reason it can’t happen. It sounds like your nerves have got you in a bit of an anxiety cycle. You’re anxious about not having had sex, which in turn makes you anxious about having sex, which prevents you from having sex. So how do you quiet those nerves? I don’t have any easy answers, but here are some ideas that might help:

If you’re comfortable masturbating, I suggest you wank and wank often. You’re self-conscious about never having had sex? Masturbating is sex and in my opinion, sex with yourself is as valid as any partnered encounter. In fact, in some ways it’s better, since when we do ourselves, we’re more likely to experience physical pleasure. If you do choose to get down with yourself, pay attention to what feels good and what you likes. If you know how your body responds sexually, it may help you feel more confident about what you want from an encounter with a partner.

You also mentioned that you’ve thought you might “do it with whoever and get it over with”. Casual encounters can be really wonderful.  If you think it’s something that might work for you, there are some questions you may want to think about. What are your physical/emotional needs? What sort of casual partner can serve those needs.  Do you prefer a stranger? An experienced sex-worker? A friend-with-benefits? Or someone else? A regardless of whether your sexual partners are committed or casual, think about your sexual health and safety and take whatever precautions you feel are necessary.

One more thing. You’re afraid that you “won’t know what to do”.  The truth is, even people with past sexual experience, start at the bottom of the learning curve with a new partner. Our bodies are all slightly different and with few exceptions, it takes some time to learn your way around (on top of, underneath and inside) a new partner.  So no, you probably won’t feel like you know what to do. But odds are, your partner won’t either.

Good luck!

Dear Dirty Laundress,

I’ve recently started dating someone. We’ve only been together about a month and a half, but I’m pretty sure this is it. I feel really strongly that she’s the one for me and I can safely say she feels the same about me. Everything is between us is great, except for one thing. I live in Ottawa and she lives in Oakville. We take turn travelling to see each other, but we both agree the long-distance thing kind of sucks. The drives are long, our visits are short and we want to be together more than just a day or two on the weekend.  We want to live together, but people keep telling us that it’s too soon for us to make that decision.  So my question is how long do you wait before you make a long-distance relationship not long-distance.

Far Far Away

For some people, moving to another city for someone they’ve only being with for six weeks would be too soon. But the fact is, the only people in this relationship are you and your partner. If you both agree you’re ready to make relocation plans, go ahead and make those plans!

While I don’t think time is necessarily of the essence in these situations, I do think careful planning and a LOT of honest, honest communication will help increase your chances of maintaining relationship bliss.  Where I’ve seen things go off the rails in these is when people move for the sake of their relationship and find themselves in a situation where the relationship is all they have.   Life in a new place is a big, big change and in your position, I’d want to discuss the following, before booking the moving van:

Who is moving? You to her? Her to you? Both of you to someplace new?

What are your situations in terms of school/career? How will a potential move affect this and are you willing to accept those effects?

What will the social situation be? Where are there opportunities for both of you to have friends and participate in preferred activies?

When the move happens are you going to live seperately in the same place or co-habitate?

If you are going to co-habitate what are your expectations in terms of finances?

If only one of you moves, who will fund the cost of that move?

How will moving affect your expectations of the relationship? Do you need any committments like (eventual) co-habitation, engagement, marriage?

How will you feel if you move and none of the above happen?

If you want to do this – talk, talk and talk some more and figure out a situation that will serve your needs as a couple and as individuals. Meanwhile, start stockpiling cardboard boxes!

Photo courtesy of Lew57 on Flickr.

Last week, we posted the results of Apartment613′s first ever Big Sexy O-Town Survey. However, because there was just way too much information (both literally and figuratively), we split those results up into two parts. Today, we’ll be revealing how our readers learned about sex and how they now put that knowledge into practice. The 28 question survey was designed by our own sex columnist, Nadine Thornhill, with some helpful input and prize give-away from Venus Envy’s Shelley Taylor.

So, when did Ottawans first learn about sex? What are the city’s top fetishes and kinks? Do people accessorize (their sex life, that is, not their outfits)? The answer to these questions and many more await below.

Needless to say, viewer discretion is advised!

Let’s learn about sex, baby!

On average, our respondents told us they first learned about sex between the ages of nine and 10, although many people mentioned that they couldn’t recall exactly when they first realized that birds and bees actually have very little to do with it. When we asked how Ottawans found out about sex, the most popular response from our list of options was through friends or peers (48 per cent). That was followed by school, at 32 per cent – although the facts, as readers told us, didn’t always come from the teacher:

“Big brother ran into my grade 3 class at lunch and told everyone at my table. Word spread quickly after that.”

Parents were the third most common choice, reported by 31 per cent of respondents. Unfortunately their messages weren’t always 100% clear:

“In grade six, I was in room 6 – 9. All the older kids would always yell “sixty ninnnnnne”, so I asked my mother what that was all about. She drew me a stick diagram and I didn’t understand until grade 10 why a large circle (head) would be interested in a small stick!”

Some literary-minded folks told us they got their knowledge from non-fiction and erotic books – separate categories that, if they were joined into one single category, would have came in tied for second place. At least one respondent wasn’t content to keep their new found wisdom to themselves:

“My mother got me a book called “Where Did I Come From?” I approached it in a very academic way. The woman running my daycare once caught me reading it to the other kids the way a teacher would read a story book to a class, showing them the pictures as I read it.”

And of course, sex ed is educational in more ways then one:.

“Basics from my parents. Then books as a teen “Our Bodies Ourselves” combined with late night French erotica. The latter is probably why I’m bilingual today.”

We also noticed a bit of a generation gap, with 17 per cent of respondents aged 19 to 25 indicating that they learned about sex from the internet – compared to only 5.2% of 25 to 29-year-olds. We also saw some interesting variation between the sexes: 35 per cent of women reported learning about sex from their parents, for example, compared to only 25 per cent of men. Conversely, just under eight per cent of women said they were schooled in the art of seduction by film or print porn, while 31 per cent of men said porn was how they first learned exactly what went where.

Protect yourself!

What forms of contraception and STI protection do Ottawans use? Unfortunately, we let our heteronormative world view get the better of us when we formulated this question and the list of 15 possible options – and many of you made up for our omission by mentioning gloves and dental dams in the write-in section. Also, we didn’t mention low-risk sexual practices that serve as effective forms off sexual protection, like kissing, petting, frottage and mutual masturbation. Our bad!

With these omissions in mind, condoms were clearly the most popular form of sexual protection, with 92 per cent of respondents reporting having used them. Only four other forms had been used by more than 10 per cent of Ottawans: contraceptive pills (66 per cent), the withdrawal method (37 per cent), the day after pill (26 per cent) and good ol’ abstinence (25 per cent).

The good news is that Ottawans are, overall, in favour of safe sex. Only six per cent reported having never used any of the 15 safe sex options we listed. The bad news is that withdrawal ranked in third place, despite being a very ineffective way of preventing either pregnancy or STIs.

Sexual resources

Luckily, Ottawans have a number of helpful resources for their sexual queries right at their fingertips – especially if those fingertips are typing away on a laptop or a BlackBerry. We asked how people sought out information about their sexual health, and 91 per cent of respondents said they’d looked up answers online. An additional 49 per cent said they’d asked their family doctor for information, with 41 per cent telling us they also went to their friends and peers. Many other sources of sex info got special shoutouts, like survey sponsor Venus Envy, Planned Parenthood Ottawa, and Dan Savage, patron saint of sex educators worldwide. Kind words were also bestowed upon at least one community health care centre:

“The Somerset West community health centre is PHENOMENAL! They will not bat an eyelash if you walk in and tell them you’re a fluid-bonded, poly, kinky, transgender sex worker who’s into blood play. Seriously. They rawk.”

Ottawa’s top kinks and fetishes!

Sure, knowledge is power, but at some point you have to stop learning and start practicing if you ever want to get good at anything. So with this in mind, we now move into the sex practice section of the survey.

Given the reputation Ottawans have of being such conservatives in their everyday life, we wondered whether all that repressed energy might be finding an outlet in the sack! We gave respondents a list of 14 common fetishes and asked them to pick which ones got them going. Lingerie/underwear (37 per cent), submission (31 per cent) and bondage (29 per cent) were the three most popular kinks, and the rest can be seen in the phallic bar graphs below:

We also noticed some definite gender differences that aren’t represented in the above chart. Ottawa women were more likely to say they enjoyed bondage and submission than men, for example – the affirmative responses in those two categories were eight and 17 percentage points higher, respectively, for the ladies. Guys, on the other hand, were more likely to have foot or shoe fetishes (nine percentage points higher) or be into voyeurism (15 percentage points higher).

The city’s gay, lesbian and queer community reported liking almost every kink or fetish more then their straight counterparts, although the relatively small pool of respondents could have been skewing the results. The only choice that straight folk said they enjoyed more was the foot/shoe fetish. Oh yeah, there were a number of fetishes we missed, which you wonderfully perverted people told us all about in the comments:  blood play, stingy sensations, terrycloth, muscles on women, sharp objects, scarification and cutting, hair pulling, water play, and orgasm denial. And of course:

“I like big butts and I can not lie..”

A little less then a third of respondents (31 per cent) reported having no sexual kinks or fetishes at all.

How do you accessorize your sexy times?

The right accessory can dress up anything, and sex is no exception. We asked you to peruse a long list of fun stuff that’s been known to occasionally find its way into the bedroom (or shower, living room, campsite, etc.) and tell us which items you incorporate into your sex life.

Topping the list was lube (85 per cent) and vibrators (71 per cent). In a tight three-way (snicker) battle for third, handcuffs/tethers and blindfolds both tied with 54 per cent, while dildos were picked by 53 per cent of respondents. Some of the write-ins included anal beads, gags, cages, electrical toys, shock collars, and cock rings. However, we also learned that accessorizing your love life doesn’t have to include a trip to the store  – many people told us about using common household items like knives, ice cubes, electric toothbrushes, hairbrushes, broom handles, and rope to spice things up on the cheap. And doubling your pleasure by using an object, or even a service, for a secondary purpose is also a good option:

“One of the sexiest things that has ever happened to me was – once, getting my hair shampooed at the salon. I almost lost it, it felt so good. Every time I go for a haircut, I secretly hope to experience that again – but none of the shampooers has ever measured up since.”

Roses are red, my balls are blue…

Using language for sex is as old as the written word, so we had to ask what sort of (c)literary adventures our readers have gotten up to. One in 10 respondents said they’d used old-fashioned snail mail to get their partner going:

“I had one boyfriend who used to write me explicit notes. Do you remember back in high school when writing notes was the thing to do?”

Not really, actually: this is the internet generation, after all, and it’s clear from the responses we got that the web is inspiring all sorts of smutty cumcommunication. Sexting was the most popular way to get in a little long distance fun, with 62 per cent of respondents having used a text message to talk dirty to a partner. Email and phone came in a close second and third, with 59 per cent and 56 per cent respectively. We forgot to ask about Skype and instant messaging services, both of which were popular write-in answers.

Liar, liar, pants on fire – so you’d better take them off!

You’ll recall that in the first part of our survey analysis, we noted that survey-takers told us they were highly unlikely to abstain from sex for moral, ethical, or spiritual reasons. It turns out that’s not the only evidence of the depravity of the average Ottawan – nearly one in five (17 per cent) respondents said they’d lied either to get sex or to avoid it. In your own cheatin’ words:

“I’ve told guys I didn’t want a relationship so I could get them into bed (reverse player?)”

“Said I had gotten all my STI testing done, said I was on the pill, said I was single (simpler than explaining open relationships but then awkward when you get to a place where you have to).”

Men were more likely (24 per cent) than women (14 per cent) to admit to using deception as a means for gettin’ some action:

“I think my honesty actually throws the majority of women off. Men are expected to woo in a manner that is slightly deceptive.” (Is this true?)

On the other hand, 55 per cent of respondents have lied to avoid sex or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings when they themselves weren’t feeling it. Pretending to be sick, tired, or menstruating were common excuses – although at least one person told a lie that was literally breathtaking:

“faked an asthma attack (i don’t have asthma)”

Our furry friends… or our audience?

Was this question funny, cute, or creepy? The jury’s still out, but to wrap up the survey we asked if you’d ever had sex while a pet or animal watched. Turns out that 55 per cent of you said you had, although a good number also indicated that the question itself may have resulted in permanent emotional scarring.

As a bonus, Apartment613 finally answered that age-old question, one you’ve no doubt stayed up nights contemplating: who are more voyeuristic, cats or dogs? According to the write-in responses, it’s our little feline perverts for the win: 47 people said their cats have watched them have sex, while only 16 people mentioned dogs. But the personal testimonies here speak much louder than the numbers: dogs were usually described as “sleeping” or “confused,” but cats were “curious,” “sneaky,” and “unimpressed.” We also learned once more why cats’ curiosity is not always a good thing:

“make the cat stop licking me… Oh, shit, I just kicked the cat across the room”

That’s all for this year! Hope you enjoyed this little foray into the sexual habits of Ottawans, and we’ll (possibly) do this again next February.

Photo courtesy of TaniaSaiz on Flickr.

In the immortal words of either A.J. McLean or Swami X (the internet is having trouble deciding), “Sex isn’t the answer. Sex is the question. ‘Yes’ is the answer.”

But yes to what? Threesomes, foursomes, twentysomes? Do you like to watch? Does your cat? Are plugs, clamps and rope things you store in your toolbox or your nightstand?

We, the voyeuristic inquiring minds at Apartment613, wanted to know – and seriously, what’s the point in running a blog if you can’t use it to ask hundreds of strangers the most intimate details of their private lives?

More than 700 people took part in the first ever Apartment613/Venus Envy Big Sexy O-Town Survey. The purpose? Your entertainment, dear reader, and if a little sex positive dialogue comes out of it, so much the better. The survey was conceived of and designed by Nadine Thornhill, a sexual health educator at Planned Parenthood Ottawa and Apartment613′s very own sex columnist. Shelley Taylor, the brains behind Ottawa’s favorite sex store, Venus Envy, provided some useful feedback, as well as a prize for one lucky survey respondent – a top notch Lelo sex toy (congrats to our winners!).

The 28 survey questions were grouped into three basic topics – sex partners, sex education and sexual practices – plus one question on sexual assault. We originally intended to release all the results in one fell swoop, but due to the amount of great material you all gave us, we decided to break it up into two segments. Today, we’ll focus on your answers to our questions on sex partners and sexual assault. A big thank you to everyone who took the time to take the survey.

Needless to say, viewer discretion is advised!

So, who responded?

There were 733 people who took the survey, though not everyone answered every question. Eighty per cent of the respondents were between the ages of nineteen and thirty-five, 58 per cent were female, and 66 per cent identified themselves as heterosexual. Only seven people said they were outside of traditional gender categories, so we didn’t have enough data to analyse the trans or two-spirited community. For the same reason, we also decided to group people who identified as queer, gay or lesbian into one category: together they accounted for six per cent of respondents. Another 20 per cent admitted to being bisexual or having a touch of the bi (that is, they said they were heteroflexible or homoflexible). Six respondents identified as pansexual (lovers of all gender identities), but none as omnisexual (same thing).

Also, almost everyone lives in Centretown. Nearly three in four respondents said they were from central Ottawa – so next time, we’re definitely asking for people to share their neighbourhoods.

Who are – or aren’t – Ottawans having sex with?

In the words of one respondent, Ottawans “take it when it comes; otherwise it’s me on me.” Sixty-six per cent of respondents are sleeping with one partner, with another 23 per cent getting it on with the man (or woman) in the mirror (or flying solo, if you need an additional euphemism). Only 15 per cent of respondents said they were getting it on with no one at all. The loneliest age group were the 19-to-25-year-olds, with 22 per cent reporting they were having sex with no one (not even themselves), compared with only 13 per cent of those 25 and older.

A quarter of masturbators said they go at it more than once per month, almost a half more than once per week, and 14 per cent daily. True to the stereotype, men reported more daily self-love than women:  nearly a quarter said they masturbated daily, compared to eight per cent of the ladies. Of the 26 respondents (four per cent) who told us they never masturbated, all but two were women.

When asked how they would describe their current sexual situation, most (60 per cent) said they were monogamous. An additional 14 per cent of respondents identified as non-monogamous, while 23 per cent told us they were abstaining due to either choice or (mostly) circumstance.

Who’s having a hard time getting laid?

Women and straight folk, apparently. One in five women said they were abstinent due to circumstance, compared to only 15 per cent of men. Similarly, one in five straight people also told us that sexy circumstances were conspiring against them, compared to just 10 per cent of those who identified as gay/lesbian/queer and 17 per cent of bisexuals. This might not be the most scientific study ever undertaken, but these stats do seem to support the conviction held by many of my straight female friends that Ottawa is a tough town for the single gal.

Ah, the multitaskers.

We also asked respondents whether they’d ever had sex with more than one person at a time – and while we meant simultaneously, some of you wondered if we meant sequentially. Regardless, however you choose to interpret it, 74 per cent of Ottawans said they’ve never done it with more then one person. Eighteen per cent said they’d had sex with two people at a time, and eight per cent with three. But at least we’re an ambitious group: many vowed that they would one day (although some of you did say, in the words of one respondent, that multiples are “fun but overrated”).  Oh, and here’s some advice for the aspiring threesome, courtesy of another respondent:  “Post-sex multiple partner spoons are the best!”

Who’s sitting it out?

Why would anyone abstain from sex? We gave our survey takers eight possible choices to choose from, and the top three reasons (aside from not having an available partner) that people had taken a sex timeout at one point were that they were ill (60 per cent), tired (53 per cent) and busy (47 per cent). Interestingly, abstaining for ethical/moral/spiritual reasons wasn’t a big concern: only 17 per cent of respondents said that was a reason they’d chosen not to have sex, making it the least chosen option. Other reasons for abstinence submitted by our respondents included pregnancy, kids, an unwilling partner, the “crimson tide” (probably not the 1995 Denzel Washington submarine flick), death, drunkenness, having a mother move in, and I quote, “no sex while preparing for a boxing bout.”

In a separate question, we asked if people had ever avoided sex because of an embarrassing personal situation. Six out of ten said yes,  mostly due to hygiene or grooming related issues. Women were more likely to opt out of sex due to embarrassment (44 per cent) than men (34 per cent).

Turns out sex IS a laughing matter

Despite the flak we get for being a grim government town, it appears that Ottawans have a sense of humour about their sexual exploits: 91 per cent say they’ve laughed out loud during sex. Thankfully, many of you shared your stories about what set you off.

Noises caused by the passage of air through various orifices, including but not limited to “poorly thought-out phrases in the heat of passion,” were often to blame. Sometimes the noises were actually educational, as one person told us:

“Well, we refuted the existence of the “queef” for a long time… and then? We wondered no more.”

Pratfalls in the sack gave a number of you a good chuckle, even at the cost of a few bloody noses:

“We were both extremely drunk and kept trying to one-up each other and, at one point, he pushed me off the bed and I hit his bedside table. He then proceeded to jump on me but hit his head. Pretty damn funny.”

Setting the mood is always important, and costumes are sometimes a good idea:

“There were these underwear that were ‘sposed to look like an elephant’s face…..”

But be sure to pay attention to what’s coming up on your playlist:

“I had my iPod on shuffle and the most ridiculous songs kept coming on (insert whitney houston, spice girls). Then at his house, Hootie and the Blowfish… I which point I said it goes off or the clothes come on.”

“My then-boyfriend and I were just about to get it on when his roommate downstairs started playing his accordion, polka style.”

“Mr. Rogers theme song in huge random playlist = instant mood kill.”

The sex trade

Few respondents said they’d been involved with the sex trade, with only seven per cent having engaged the services of a sex worker, including strippers and lap dancing. Many wrote in to say that they might be willing to try, however. Even fewer (four per cent) said they’d offered sex services to others.

Sexual assault – Trigger Warning

While the survey was meant to be lighthearted, we wanted to ask about sexual assault in order to give some attention to this serious issue. Twenty per cent of survey respondents – one in five – told us they’d been assaulted.  And of those who said they’d been assaulted, 86 per cent were women. Here are some of the things we learned from the people who were gracious enough to go into details with us:

• Not surprisingly, those who reported being assaulted were often (but definitely not always) victimized by people in a position of trust. Spouses, partners, family members, babysitters, and bosses were each mentioned multiple times.
• Locations weren’t just limited to the bedroom. We received stories of assaults or attempted assaults occurring on the bus, in a library, at house parties, in a bar, on a bike path, and at a tennis club.
• Of the 43 people who shared their stories with us, about one-quarter said they were abused as a child.
• Excessive drinking – either by the victim, the assaulter, or both – was mentioned as a factor in a number of assaults.
• Types of incidents included rape, coerced sex, molestation, unwanted groping,  phone sex initiated by someone impersonating a boyfriend, and an unexpected encounter with a mass transit masturbator.
• Finally, some good news. A number of brave souls reported fighting off their attackers, while others told us they ended up leaving their abusive relationships. One respondent even said that the support she received after her assault convinced her to stay in Ottawa for good.

Part two of the survey delves deeper into Ottawans’ kinky habits between the sheets (and other places!) and finds out more about how you all came to learn about the birds and the bees. Click here for Part 2!

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her new sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs the last Friday of each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

For the full smorgasbord of Nadine’s musings, check out her blog Adorkable Thespian.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

What exactly happens when you buy a private lap dance at a strip club — one with female dancers? I am especially curious to know what strippers do for lap dances bought by heterosexual couples. I have heard rumours that strippers take care to make sure that nobody feels left out…but what exactly goes on in that private room? And are there rules about who is allowed to touch whom in those situations (and are they different for female customers as opposed to male)?

-Baring My Curiosity

Wonder no more, BMC! Routines may vary from club to club, but generally speaking when a male customer pays for a lap dance he expects a nude or at mostly-nude performance. A dancer may straddle, caress or otherwise touch the customer; however, the customer typically isn’t allowed to touch the dancer.

A local club owner gave me the low down on lap dances for heterosexual couples. A couples dance most of the action is focused on the female customer, while the guy watches. Female customers are often granted more leeway when it comes to touching the dancers. The couple are allowed to touch one another, but unlike their private dancer they’ve got to keep their clothes on.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

In the dating world, what is the difference between a winky face and a smiley face in a text msg from a guy?

-SMS Illiterate

I’m not a guy and as such, I didn’t feel qualified to answer your question. SMSI. So, I assembled an elite team of my guy friends to crack the texting code. They’re smart, they’re sexy and they all have phones. I call them The Text Team Ten!

The team unanimously agreed that a “smiley” denotes lightheartedness or joking.

Eight of The Text Team Ten thought that a “winky” probably indicates some sort of flirting or innuendo, though not everyone agreed on that point. One team member was adamant that a winky is more likely to be a typo than a subtle sexual overture. “Our sex started puberty thinking teasing/punching was the best way to attract a girl’s attention”" says my cynical pal.

One friend suggested the meaning of a winky depends on your relationship. “If we’re already flirty and dating or something similar then yeah – it means what it means. If it’s just me sending a text message to any girl, [the winky] is a way to sublimate any wrong doing that could be inferred. ‘You’re hot ’ means ‘You’re hot but I’m not interested’, then I can pass it off as a joke.’”

Another of the Text Team Ten summed it up thusly, “The winky face may indicate a sexual subtext or a special subtext shared between the sender and the recipient. ‘I’m looking forward to sampling your brisket. ’ – this gentlemen really likes a good brisket. ‘I’m looking forward to sampling your brisket ’ hard to say exactly, but it likely involves cunnilingus.”

In light of these opinions, I can only conclude that it’s impossible to know precisely what the texter in question intended without asking him directly. And how do you do this? I suggest a quick text to the effect of , “Are you flirting with me?” And don’t forget the

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Flowers For Valentine’s Day

As Valentine’s approaches, a few women have approached me with variations on a similarly themed quandary. How do you let someone know you want to be surprised with flowers on Valentine’s Day without asking and thus negating being surprised with flowers on Valentine’s Day?

I am vehemently opposed to dating/relationship strategies that require psychic powers. If a bouquet of blooms is what you desire most, it’s okay to say to your partner, “I would love to have flowers on Valentine’s Day.” I think it’s also fine to quietly hope for a flowery surprise; but be gracious if the flowers don’t come. It doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t care about you. It just means you’re with someone who can’t read your mind. Which is actually a good thing. Do you really want to be with a person who can get all up in your dark and freaky thoughts? I don’t think so.

Still, I know a lot of people are jonesin’ for Valentine’s roses (or tulips or lilies). So if there’s someone special in your life who seems like the hearts and flowers type, do them a solid and get them a vase of something pretty.

Happy Valentine’s, everyone!

Post by NeoGaboX on flickr

Post by Apartment613′s own sex columnist, Nadine Thornhill, with help from Venus Envy’s Shelley Taylor.

When it comes to sex, we couldn’t help but be a little curious about what is (and isn’t!) going on out there. In order to get some answers, we’ve teamed up with the fine folks at Venus Envy to bring you Apartment613’s Big Sexy O-Town Survey. There’s no such thing as an overshare as far as we’re concerned, so take the survey and help shed some light on what goes on behind Ottawa’s closed doors.

The Survey!

The survey has a total of 28 questions and you can answer as many or as few as you like. It takes about 10 to 15 minutes to answer them all. Most questions are multiple choice and all include space if you need or want to explain your answer further. The questions cover a range of topics from orientation to masturbation to kink to sexual health to abstinence. The survey will remain open until Monday, February 7. No one will no who you are (not even us!) so be as honest as you like.

The Results!

Once we’ve collected and collated the data, we’ll release the results of our Big Sexy O-Town Survey on Valentine’s Day. We may share some of our favourite answers but rest assured, we won’t reveal any identifying details.

Fabulous Prizes!

If you’ve completed the survey and you’d like to be included in a draw to win a fabulous prize courtesy of Venus Envy, email apartment613@gmail.com with the magic words found in the last question of the survey. Participation in the draw is voluntary — and your information will not be linked to your answers in any way. The draw will take place when the survey closes on February 8th.

Trigger Warning: Please note…one of the questions deals with sexual assault.

Click here to take the Apartment 613’s Big Sexy O-Town Survey.

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Ruano

A professional sexual health educator with an alarming lack of tact, Nadine Thornhill is used to airing out other people’s unmentionables. Her sex column, Dirty Laundry, runs the last Friday of each month on Apt613. To ask your questions, or to say hello to Nadine, contact her at dirtylaundry613@gmail.com.

For the full smorgasboard of Nadine’s musings check out her blog, Adorkable Thespian.
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Dear Dirty Laundress

When partners have been together for a while…let’s say 3, 4, 5 years – how do you keep things interesting in bed and in your daily lives without it becoming a boring routine? Any advice?

Slightly Scared Of Future Trends

Having been in a monogamous relationship with my current partner for almost fifteen years, I’ve formed a few opinions about keeping the spark alive long-term. I’m going to assume, SSOFT that you’re familiar with standard magazine wisdom about weekends away, naughty toys and athletic, new sex positions, all of which are great ideas. A couple of carnal days at a bed and breakfast just may provide the kindling you need to keep the flames of passion burning.

But trips and contortionist tricks aren’t always practical or even desirable for every couple’s in their day-to-day lives. We get busy. We get stressed out. We get tired. Often, we experience all three at once. That early relationship energy, which has us making mad monkey love at every opportunity, it wanes over time. That’s normal. But I think it’s important to remember that while our libidos change over the course of a relationship, attraction and desire remain.

Personally, I think one of the nicest things you can do, is to communicate desire to your partner in those times when the rest of life eclipses your opportunities to have sex. Saying something like, “Things are a little too crazy for us to get on each other right now. I get that. But I want you to know, I find you really sexy.” You don’t even have to say it with words. You can communicate the same thing with a playful slap on the ass, an extra long kiss goodbye in the morning , a lingering look during dinner. These gestures take mere seconds, but still maintain a sexual, romantic through line no matter what’s happening in your relationship.

And while making time to be sexy is très important, I think making time to be silly has its place in long-term wooing too. When my partner and I take our son to the playground, we often challenge each other to these childish feats, like who can make it down all the slides the fastest. It’s utterly juvenile, but it creates an atmosphere of fun and intimacy, which facilitates being fun and intimate in other, more adult ways when we’re alone.

A three-year-old relationship isn’t a three-week-old relationship. It’s not going to look or feel the same way. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be wild with each to be wild for each other. Communicate your desire for each other. Have as much fun as you can together. These are my simple not-for-Cosmo tips on keeping it hot long-term.

Dear Dirty Laundress,

We’ve been watching porn recently and have noticed the bizarre trend of men and women loudly spitting on each other’s genitals during oral sex scenes. We don’t recall ever having seen it in the past. Is this some sort of strange fad in the porn industry or are we inadvertently watching niche porn? Both of us find it a real turn-off.

Thanks,

Stop spitting on my Penis

Spit shining a partner’s private parts is a practice as old as sex itself. Lovers of yore also appreciated slippery, friction-free encounters and saliva was a convenient lubricant back in the day.

Spitting has also been part of porn for quite awhile, though it wasn’t nearly as prevalent back in the day. Traditionally, genital spitting featured a woman spitting onto a man’s penis during fellatio. Ironically, saliva has a drying effect on skin once it evaporates. Spitting probably started as a way to re-moisturize an actor who’s penis had become dry during the extended oral play required during filming.

More recently, we began to except the idea that women also appreciate some extra lube now and again. Hence, spitting in porn became reciprocal and more common. Now days, it isn’t unusual to see porn actors hock a wet one on to their scene partners. ‘Salivation porn’ or ‘Saliva porn’, has evolved into it’s own subgenre. Naked people and drool everywhere!

The growing prevalence of spitting, reminds me of the Rise of the Cock Slap. Apparently, cock slapping began as practical way for male porn actors to stay hard as they entered his partner. Audiences saw it every once in awhile and began to associate the maneuver with “porn-style” sex. More and more films began to feature the cock slap, until finally a porn ass couldn’t make it out of bed without getting the phallic smackdown! And now spit has also made it’s way into the triple-x mainstream.

I understand your problem, SSOMP. If spitting is a turn off, it negates the purpose of watching porn in the first place. You may have to be more selective in the titles you choose. The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos by Violet Blue is an excellent resource, with a list of movies by subgenre and a handy user’s legend that alerts viewers to content such as spitting, facials and more. Come As You Are, a sex-positive toy store in Toronto provides film summaries and ratings on their website (www.comeasyouare.com). You can also search the Internet Adult Film Database (www.iafd.com) for information and reviews on over 100,000 titles.

Happy viewing!