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Photo by @iscoff

Art Is In my mouth

By Apartment613 on March 28, 2013

by @iscoff

Since I’m on Twitter almost all day, it’s not often I get the opportunity to talk about what I eat for breakfast, so you can imagine my delight when I was asked to write a few words about the breakfast offerings of Art Is In Bakery. “What if we sold people sandwiches in a warehouse?” is a question that was clearly asked during the planning stages of this not-so-hidden gem. You might notice it because it’s in a giant building with a big sign that says “Art Is In.” Someone thought this through.

Let me be absolutely clear—I love this place, but genuine praise isn’t nearly as entertaining as jovial criticism. So with that in mind:

1) There’s almost always a line in front of me. I want my food now, not later, so you can see how this is a problem. I’d like it if everyone reading this article would go to the bakery only when I’m not there. Thank you

2) I have to sell blood to buy croissants. “If you can’t afford to buy a croissant, then don’t eat one,” you say, proving to me that you’re an idiot who’s never had a croissant from Art Is In Bakery. Sure, hypothetical idiot, why don’t I just stop breathing? It’s not even my blood! Gimme a break. Anyway, their food is expensive.

3) Carbs can be bad for you! Come on guys, why can’t you make carb-free bread that still tastes as good for the same price? How hard can miracles be, really? Have you seen smartphones? Whoa! Those things are nuts!

With that nonsense out of the way and more nonsense to come, let’s talk breakfast: my go-to choice at the bakery is their bacon and egg on English muffin breakfast sandwich. The only problem with this is they don’t always have English muffins, so I have to pretend like I’m not crying for the rest of the day.

However, if I’m being honest for once, it doesn’t really matter if they’re sold out of English muffins. Any of Art Is In’s breakfast offerings are better than almost anything else you can find in this city. Maybe in the universe. I don’t go out a lot. Whether it’s an English muffin or a croissant or a piece of sourdough toast, you’re in for a mouth-treat. I like to follow up a delicious breakfast sandwich with a cup of strong coffee, then another cup of strong coffee, THEN THREE TO SEVEN MORE CUPS OF STRONG COFFEE.

My final verdict? I’ve spent hundreds of dollars at this bakery. What do you think my final verdict is? Please help me. Please.

Art Is In is located at City Centre, across from the dry cleaners. I wonder if they have some kind of deal there if you get your stains at the bakery? I’ll try this and find out for you. You can keep up to date with Art Is In Bakery’s various offerings @ArtisinBakery, where they post gorgeous pictures of food, because they’re terrible people who are trying to murder me with sugar.

Since @iscoff wrote this story, Art Is In has announced that they will no longer be providing bread for third parties. We’re currently chasing this story! Check back in a few days.